Navigating Life: Day-6 After Spouse Death

April 7, 2026 — Day 6

Today is day 6.

Another day.

I woke up, and it’s like life is on repeat.

I have a few houses to clean today and need to go to the market. I returned the train tickets, but there’s no exact timeline for when the refund will come back. So that doesn’t help with what’s needed right now to lay you to rest.

I have to find another way.

You’re still there.

I feel you. I hear you, loud and clear. Talking your stuff, giving me your thoughts like you always do.

This stress is wild.

I need to tell you about something.

I don’t know if you heard it already… I know you’ve got your own afterlife, your own space now. But I spoke to one of my cousins the other day, the one I mentioned to you not too long ago, actually. You never got to meet him.

But baby…

After I told him everything that’s going on, everything I’m dealing with… he had the audacity to ask if he could move in with me.

We’ve barely even had a real conversation as adults.

Moving in with someone, bringing someone into our home, that’s not small. That’s not something you just do.

The kids and I have already been through enough change.

I will not bring another man into their lives that they don’t know.

It’s only been a few days.

This is a new world, but one thing I do know, you made us who we are. You are engraved in us.

We are not gullible.

I have to be careful.

Because I’m the only one they have now.

Another day of nonstop, looping thoughts.

I’m not doing too well in public.

If I’m out for too long, I start to feel vulnerable… because I know you’re not physically here with me.

I cry because I miss you.

I cry because I have to figure out how to move through everyday life, big and small, on my own. I wish we had life insurance because we have nothing to fall back on.

Even grocery shopping feels overwhelming.

But I will get better.

I keep thinking… I need land. I need space. Animals. Something real.

This is not the life I signed up for.