Navigating Life: Day-5- After death of Spouse

April 6, 2026 — Day 5

Today is day 5.

You’re still there… and your family and I are trying to figure out the arrangements, the money, everything.

It’s caused some friction. And at the same time, it’s put life into perspective.

We talked about so much. We planned so much. But we didn’t execute enough of it.

Life is a wild ride… and at the same time, it’s so fragile.

I’m trying to stay strong.

I miss you.

It’s crazy to think that our time together on this earth has now come to a stop.

These videos, pictures, and voice notes… that’s what I have left to see you, to hear you, to hold onto you.

But you also left me with a plan.

Now I have to figure out how to carry it out… without you.

What kind of life is this?

I watched First Take in the bed this morning.

I told the boys the house has felt too quiet, so they started putting long YouTube videos on in the living room.

Now when I wake up, it’s not so silent.

You always had the TV on. SportsCenter playing in the background.

I walked out and thanked them. Told them how sweet they are… my eyes filling up.

Then, in my best you voice, I said, “The TV is broke,” and switched it back to First Take.

I laughed.

We laughed.

I’ve been taking time in the mornings to sit with you outside on the porch.

Watching the birds.

Trying to map out the day.

Our normal routine.

But actually completing anything right now…

It’s hard.

Everything feels heavy.

I pace sometimes, lean on the car, look up into the sky and talk to you.

I keep telling myself the days will get easier at some point.

I have to believe that.

I just have to figure out this thing called life…

Without you.